The following is a tongue-in-cheek look at suburban lakes and shorelines from a goose’s eye view. We have all heard (and perhaps made) complaints about the abundance of geese occupying our lakeshores and their persistent refusal to return to their wild homes. However, when we consider the conditions favored by geese, its no surprise that they have chosen to stay. It seems that many of our lake developments might have been designed by a goose focus group. Article courtesy of Intuition and Logic, 31 Sylvester Avenue, Webster Groves, MO.

Dear Valued Goose Customer,

Please fill out this brief questionnaire concerning your preferences for lake and shoreline design. Bear in mind that humans will co-occupy the property with you and will have to be accommodated as well. We will incorporate as many of your requests as possible.

1. Please describe your preferred lake shape and depth profile.
   We prefer round or oval shaped lakes with gradually sloping shorelines. Fiord-shaped areas or small sloughs do not work for us because they interfere with our take-offs and landings and do not provide a clear line of site all around us. The gradually sloping shore line gives us plenty room to graze on submerged vegetation. We like large areas of the lake to be within dabbling distance for grazing. Our necks are about two feet long. Also please avoid any structures on the lake bottoms that might provide cover for undesirables like snapping turtles that eat our goslings. Particularly avoid fallen trees; these are nothing but trouble and harbor all sorts of fish and other animals that we don’t eat.
   
2. What shoreline vegetation do you like best?
   This may surprise you but we have become quite fond of turf grass. Although our natural diet is heavy on spike grass seeds, cord grass rhizomes and rush shoots, we have developed a taste for tender fescue and bluegrass, including the little bugs that live there. Please keep the grass mowed to our beak length (about 3 inches or less), we hate tough grass. By all means fertilize often. The excess nutrients keep plenty of underwater vegetation thriving although the water does get a bit murky.
   Please do not use lots of native grasses and broad-leafs near the water. Any growth over about 3 inches is too tall. Taller growth provides cover for egg and gosling predators such as raccoons and foxes. Our sentry geese like to have a clear view of the entire lakeshore. Gosling safety is our primary concern.
   
3. What other shoreline features are important to you?
   We like those smooth rock linings at the edge of the lakes and ponds. Try to keep them smooth and rounded, not that big, rough rip rap. The rocks harbor lots of little insects, our primary protein source during the all-important breeding season. Smooth rock linings also provide easy access in and out of the lake particularly for our young ones.
   
4. What is your position on trees?
   We stay away from trees generally, we’re just not adapted for aerial roosting. We would prefer if you would keep the approaches to the lakes clear of trees in all directions but at the very least along our usual flight paths. Moreover, the more open the lakeshore, the easier it is for our fellow geese to see us when they fly over. As long as food is abundant, we think the more the merrier.
   
5. What features of commercial development do you find most appealing?
   Well, we love commercial buildings as nest sites. All that reflective glass keeps the rocky beds near the building foundations nice and warm. We particularly like it when the humans keep the nearby areas free of shrubbery (again it’s the predator thing). Some developments even have multilevel flat areas. I think humans call them planter boxes. These are ideal for the upscale nesters. Perhaps most of all, we like lots of asphalt paving. With the vigorous snow removal programs in these parts, we can count on lovely solar heated roads and walkways.
   We also like the predictability of human encroachment in commercial areas. Dusk and dawn are the busiest times for our sentry geese, and we prefer not to have to monitor human activity during this stressful time. We can deal with them at lunch time when they come down to the lake to feed. We have had considerable success in training them to respond to our warning hisses.
   
6. On a scale from 1 to 10 (worst to best), how would you rate developed lakeshores as livable.
   Overall we give these settings an 8 rating. We much prefer them over more natural settings for many of the reasons that we stated. The humans can be annoying, but we have learned to tolerate them as less than ideal neighbors. They proved initially unpredictable, but once we studied them in their native habitat and kept them on their heals with our warning hisses, we have learned to co-exist.